just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
