Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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