I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
