After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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