You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
