I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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