So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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