i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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