I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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