She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
