Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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