Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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