The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
