I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
