you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
