people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
