so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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