i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
