im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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