I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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