I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize