I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
