I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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