How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
