Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
