It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
