Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just googled if crying burns calories
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
