first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
