before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
