Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
