I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
