I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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