apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
