He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
