Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
