if you like me you must not know who I am
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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