Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
