so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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