Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
