Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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