how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
