I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
