saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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