I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize