you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
