D3 body, D1 cock
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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