We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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