that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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