I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
