I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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