i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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