dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
