Sry I called you an 8
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Oh god it's open bar.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
