Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
