what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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