The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
