the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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