You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
