There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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